Men! We can’t live without them yet still can’t live with them. Sometimes I ask how it’s possible to feel such contradictory emotions towards these special breed of humans who must be from far away planets like Venus, Jupiter or even Pluto but definitely not Planet Earth, at least not the one we currently live in. Why do I say so you might ask? Well, I find it difficult to understand how all that REALLY matters to them is sex, food and football; notice I emphasized the word “really” because I want to believe that other things matter to them, it’s just that those things seem secondary. Little wonder guys go to any length just to get into ladies’ panties, even if it means telling ridiculous lies like “you remind me so much of Beyonce” when the lady obviously looks like an uglier clone of Michael Jackson.
I guess that’s also why our mothers always say “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”, I bet it didn’t take them too long to discover that; every man loves good food and it’s obvious, you can almost see them wagging their imaginary tails like little puppies when a delicious plate of their favourite meal is placed in front of them. As for the football madness, I can’t tell when it started, only heaven knows where they picked that annoying habit because our forefathers never watched football. My boyfriend is a die-hard Chelsea fan; when he’s watching football, I suddenly become invisible. If you ever come to visit us during a football match, you can catch him shouting instructions at the players on TV like a mad man and screaming when the players don’t seem to be listening to him while I sit there in annoyance trying not to jump out of my skin and praying he doesn’t break the TV screen by accident. It’s a really pathetic case.
My best friend once said to me, “Sonia, if you want your man to be happy,just give him good sex, make him awesome meals and don’t come between him and his football game”, I’m not sure I want to agree with him though, if it was that simple then why is it so difficult to keep a man? Why are men so scared of commitment like its HIV or something?
Oh! By the way HIV may not have a cure, but it can be managed effectively with anti-retroviral drugs to enable longer life. The only way to prevent HIV is by abstinence, being faithful to your partner or using condoms. There’s no way to know if that hot guy or girl you’re tripping for has HIV, that’s why it’s important to get tested regularly, at least every 3 months, to know your status and ensure commencement of anti-retroviral drugs on time if you’re found to be positive.
Wondering how I know so much about it? Well let’s just say I’m a doctor on paper,I studied Medicine in University just to please my parents; since they couldn’t force it down my brothers’ throats, I became the sacrificial lamb to the world of medicine. I wonder why parents do this sometimes. My life would’ve been so miserable in school if I wasn’t so intelligent because trust me, med school is no joke. I’m glad it’s over now, at least I get the chance to pursue a career in film making like I’ve always wanted. Yup! I’ve always wanted to be a movie director since I was 10 and now I’m living my dream. It’s much more fun than being a doctor, trust me! I don’t practice as a doctor, though I have the medical knowledge so you can feel free to call me Dr when you see me, even though I cant guarantee that you will get a response because I forget I’m a doctor sometimes.
Enough about me and my career, back to the topic at hand. I’ve spent my whole life being surrounded by men; I grew up as an only girl always being bullied by her two senior brothers, pampered by her father and overprotected by them all. My best friend is male and I’m currently dating the most annoying guy on the planet but I love him all the same.
You’d think that after being around so many men,I should at least understand them right? Unfortunately, I don’t. I still don’t understand what goes through their little minds, I can’t explain why they do the things they do, I don’t know what it is about them that makes them so irreplaceable and I’m not sure exactly why we women hate them so much sometimes but after much fruitless brain racking, I’ve decided to carry out a little research of my own using the men in my life as my specimen. I want to find out what it is that makes men cheat on their beautiful partners with sometimes uglier women and why they get turned on by boobs and butts which by the way is just fat growing in the right places, I want to know what makes them so scared of commitment and find out why they do these things that make us hate them so much sometimes. By the end of my research, I hope to have answered these and many more questions, Please stick around as I will be introducing each of my specimen to you shortly…