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Old enough yet unmarried 35: Love, betrayal and health

Dr. O.

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...continued from episode 34

“Tessy you’re pregnant?” She asked moving closer to touch my belly as if she was a doctor trying to examine it, “yes mum I’m pregnant” I finally found the courage to say, “What? you have killed me!” she screamed, her screams caused Yemi to run into the kitchen to find out what was wrong only for her to see my mum throwing tantrums like the drama queen that she was. “how did this happen?” She screamed, “is this an immaculate conception?” “Who is the father?”. I didn’t even know which of her questions to start answering so I just stood there staring and biting my nails, “answer me” she shouted, “or am I talking to myself?”

“Mum I’m not a baby anymore” I reminded her, “I have the right to make my own decisions”, “Is that so?” She screamed, “let me tell you, you don’t have any right to make any decisions until you’re in your husband’s house and the last time I checked, no one had come to pay your bride price” she ranted on. Like I said earlier, my mum is such a drama queen, Angelina Jolie has nothing on her, as a matter of fact, she has been due for a grammy award for almost 34 years , I just haven’t found a way to get her nominated for one. Needless to say, after all her drama, I was able to calm her down and explain what happened, she wasn’t happy about the fact that the man responsible for my pregnancy was married and wouldn’t be involved in the upbringing of the kids but I assured her that I could handle it on my own. She wasn’t totally convinced but she didn’t have much of a choice but to accept, at least for a while, eventually she forgot all her worries and was excited when she heard I was expecting twins, she danced around for joy and couldn’t stop mentioning how she couldn’t wait to finally be a grandmother.

 

Later I asked her why she came and she summed up the purpose for her visit by saying “If Tessy won’t go to the mountain, the mountain will come to Tessy” and warned me that she wasn’t going back to the village anytime soon especially since I was due for delivery in the next few weeks before packing her bags and taking them to the guest room; I wasn’t very excited to hear that, I began to wish I hadn’t been so mean to Mr. Frimpong in Ghana when he had tried to chat me up, maybe he’d have been willing to let me stay in one of the rooms in his hotel for free for the next few weeks because I was going to need it to keep my sanity. The next day I attended my Antenatal clinic and the health talk for that day was on labour and it’s stages, I’ll just share a bit of it with you because it’s something I think everyone should know. Labour in simple terms is basically the process of giving birth, it has 3 stages. In the first stage, you start to feel contractions and the neck of your womb called the cervix opens wide enough (dilates) to enable it accommodate the baby’s head that will pass through. The cervix starts from being fully closed to opening to a full 10cm wide, when this happens, your doctor will tell you that you are fully dilated and it’s time to proceed to the 2nd stage.The first stage is the longest, it’s length varies in different women from 8 to 12 hours or more.

In the 2nd stage of labour, you’ll be asked to push when you feel contractions to deliver your baby,it’s important not to push before you get to this stage no matter how tempted you are or you may end up tearing your cervix and that would require surgical repair. Taking deep long breaths rather than shouting the hospital down in between and while pushing helps a lot. The 2nd stage should usually not last more than 1 to 2 hours. The 3rd and final stage is the delivery of the placenta which comes shortly after the baby,so don’t get too excited and start closing your legs once the baby is out because you still need to deliver the placenta, this stage is usually the shortest and the least painful, it shouldn’t last longer than 30minutes. There you have it! now you have an idea of what labour is all about so when I go into labour it won’t be new to you. I decided to do some baby shopping after my antenatal clinic and that was when I bumped into Chinedu, one of my former suitors, he was one of those guys that would’ve given anything to date me back in those days, he was actually a good guy, perfect definition of husband material if there is any such term as that but I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship back then, I just wanted to have fun so I didn’t take him seriously. By the time other guys had “shown me pepper” and I was ready to settle down, he was already married, I can’t deny that I regretted not dating him till today, I had to live with the fact that I actually let a good guy pass me by.

Ladies, if you ever find yourself in a situation where a good guy is asking to date you, do yourself a favour and accept to date him instead of keeping him in the friend zone because tomorrow may be too late, take the advice from a sister who’s been there. He appeared to be doing some shopping for a young boy who I figured must’ve been his son. “Wow! Tess,it’s so good to see you” he said smiling, “you look as gorgeous as ever”. “I do?” I thought to myself, I didn’t think he’d still find me gorgeous in this pregnant state of mine, maybe he was just trying to be polite because when I looked into the mirror, “balloon” rang more of a bell than “gorgeous” to me.

“Thanks” I replied, “I see you’re expecting a baby too” he said pointing at my belly, “who’s the lucky guy you finally decided to settle down with?” he asked giving me a wink, “there’s no guy actually” I said turning pink with embarrassment, “Oh! Ok” he said looking clearly confused, there was an awkward silence for a few seconds then I quickly turned to give the little boy beside him a handshake, he looked like he was about 5years old, “is this your son?” I asked, “yes he is” he replied smiling, “his name is Sean”, “wow that’s a nice name” I said, “he’s so cute, I bet his mother must be really pretty” I added, “yeah she was” he replied with a sad look on his face, “she was?” I asked looking confused, what did he mean by was? Last I checked, the correct word should have been “is”, “she’s dead now” he replied, “she died 2 years ago while giving birth to his younger sister, they both died” he said, “wow! I’m so sorry to hear that, please accept my condolences” I said, “it’s okay” he replied, “that was 2years ago, I’ve accepted it now” he said turning to face me with a more serious look on his face. “Tess I’d like us to have lunch or dinner one of these days, maybe this weekend perhaps? If you’re free” he added, he looked at me with those puppy eyes that brought back memories of the good old days we used to go on romantic walks when he was asking me out, I could tell from the look in his eyes as he stood right there in front of me that there was still a spark.

 

I was excited like a high school girl that had just been asked on a first date, I couldn’t believe my luck, was I really going to get a second chance at love with Chinedu after I had messed up? I wanted to go ahead and say, “sure why not we could even go right now” but I played it cool instead and said “I think Saturday will be fine, I should be free from 5pm”, “that’s great” he said, we exchanged numbers and said our goodbyes “I’ll be at your place by 4:59pm on Saturday” he said giving me a hug, “ok I’ll be expecting you” I said trying not to smile so much, “It’s a date” he said smiling as he made his way to the next aisle with his son. Boy! I can’t wait for Saturday, I haven’t been on a romantic date in ages…

Click here for episode 36 tomorrow

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Dr.O is a graduate of the University of Szeged in Hungary who is on a mission to reduce the mortality rate in our society by creating awareness about preventable and non-preventable diseases and empowering people with the necessary knowledge and information they need to take charge of their health. checkwithdoctoro.com was co-founded by her as a means to fulfilling this mission. She is an MDCN (Medical and Dental Council of Nigeria) and Hungarian Medical Chamber certified doctor. When she is not busy looking for ways to make a difference in her environment, you can find her trying out new recipes in the kitchen or touring the world.